Tuesday, December 29, 2015

what's on your mind?

Its so easy to write about things which make you happy...bright things... great things but for most of us...life is just life...mundane routine with its share of heartache, unanswered questions, insecurities and miseries... what better way to work upon them than spilling those thoughts into words..reading them over and over again until they make sense or until someone put some sense into it all.
A weird feeling of being unimportant remains stuck to my skin today... you know ...the feeling that you have when you wonder whether the people you love so much ( to death literally) love you as much you do...not that you are asking for pay back for your love but still...is it a great feeling to feel loved by the person you love....
many would say that love can be expressed in many ways but what can give you a bigger heartache than your feelings being brushed aside as unimportant by your loved ones...
i will soon be leaving for few long weeks in an unknown land... i need to pursue some work related stuff... fellowship in vitreoretinal surgery..under full scholarship...a very rare opportunity for us in the medical  world... despite knowing that this is a big big opportunity...i cannot help but apprehend the whole experience...firstly because i am mother to a 15months old baby and i feel my heart tearing inside knowing that i will have to leave him behind to pursue those studies... but my husband and (less importantly) many other people feel that i am exaggerating... i feel hurt...very hurt that at times my husband make fun of this grief... i know he doesn't mean bad but how can males be so insensitive at times...
in summary... i feel like very hard days are to come... i feel like closing down on my self, closing out all negative comments...digest my grief... swallow my tears...wait for it to be over... all in the hope that whatever i am doing matter for those whom i care and love...